Black my light

          

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I was all ways inspired by history movies so when grade 9 came, I was sure of what I was gonna do in grade 10. Well word had it going around that that’s for dumb people and well you won’t have a career. Fortunately I was one of those brilliant kids who was polite and very respectful. So that sort of gained me access  to teachers minds and when ever they was a career guidance expo some where I was there. My research lead me to a hell of careers out there for a just “general studies” student. I mean one can count, social work, media, politics, philosophy, sociology, etc.
Unfortunately through the mist of it all I was an orphan and had to take care of my cousin who was then in grade 6. Me being me, my dreams and possibilities all ways were facing me. Passing school was never an issue as I did just that in due time.

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The realization of life came after high school. You won’t believe it because I faced homelessness and life couldn’t get worse. It was turned upsidedown and I lost my self. I lost my self to pitting my self, submitting my self to low starndars and forgetting what I really wanted and who I had created my self to be through the guidance of the OBE and FET education. While in that situation the library became my friend. Excaping the war of my stumach constantly reminding me that I am hungry. I would loose my self in dreams which in reality were fiction but in my reality truth. So the philosophy of the secret fed by Opra h was my living testimony and all I could do was send it to the world.  As I thought God  was bbecoming an in existance lie, He came as a women in a time where I thought all was lost and bleek.the next five years of my life became a vacation and I was lost in the freedom of being taken cared of. Life became a pay back for all the time I felt lonely and lost as a teen, praying asking God why didn’t he give mom a second chance.
I woke up and I was 24 years old, had no career, my soul yearning and screaming for more, life! Vintage cru reminded me of how I all ways aspired to be different and in just months they were performing for Somizi and in big stages. Social media became an escape world to a life (then again) of posibilities and now seeing young man doing it. Really doing it. This set the tone for my next chapter and some how Jo’burg was buzzing with young, gifted, black and motivated young people. I mad a decision and told my self that now its time to redirect my life and search for a new start. Starting with what skill I have and how I can improve. I set new goals and I planned what exactly I wanted and who I could contact. Then boom that same year I made my way to Durban and I never looked back.

So here I am in Pietermaritzburg, my lovely home town. I hoped from orpoturnity to orpotunity. I had one goal that I set and went for, but took a year for me to get it but it finally came. I was at my local radio station and I was there even when I was not needed. My passion for media grew even more.  I was a volunteer for all most six months and had started blogging and my life was changing every day. I tell you today that I am a proud receipian of a learnership in radio production, where I will be getting a level 5 certificate, which is 2 modules away to a diploma. The joy that came with this has been the same as the challenges I am facing though I must say my government is taking me t school, for free since first day of school 15 years ago. I am also co hosting the drive home show and running well to my believe the only visible blog in Pietermaritzburg. I think to my self if I had woken up at age 24 and told my self its never possible I would be dead by now. Now here is my thought, seen as its June 16, I could have not had this opportunity if it wasn’t for the straggle of the black consciousness youth of 1976. Not only I, but many who are in universities, collages and still in school. One should really take this day and ask them selves is my life a dream?
With this I thank you for reading to the end and I hope you share it with your friends, family and with a strangers even. I hope by me sharing my story this June 16, will remind you that any thing is possible and we are really a free generation. Are we lost? Dam no! We have a vision of the globe. It has even grown in us that we can conquer the world! So here is to running with diplomas, degrees and certificates.

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I can only be grateful.

I am in front of the computer asking my self what to post. a lot has happened in the past few weeks but i am still left with a feeling that I haven’t done much that i can do.

My thoughts are full of worry, worrying about not having enough time to do all the things I wish to do, yet again all the other things i have been going for some times don’t seem to come to pass. I am left some times with questioning if will i ever get where i hope or wish to be. My motivation is tasted over trials that seem like a hill i will never be able to climb.

My model of success is wondering off, in the streets of where I come from. this success is not what i have in mind. this success is beyond imaginable to be success in its true word of success. this success is lost in the streets of intoxication that carry us to a land of the forgotten. We believe in a life where we search for the quickest fix, whether it comes from braking some ones life, means nothing to the craving. I read some thing interesting during the week which intrigued me. It reminded me of how i lived my life when i was in high school. Yes i went to school hungry and had no lunch but did i for a minute think of dropping from school? I new what i wanted, i had dreams, big dreams and i never looked beyond or aside from the dreams. they was some thing inside of me that enabled me to know that i can. Even when i had every reason to give up. This is why when i posted the pic on face book i wrote *story of  every kasi boy*

Now because we are faced with difficulty. Do we choose to give up or do we choose to work hard at changing our situation. They are a lot of people out there that refuse to give up even when it seems impossible they keep doing. It is in us that we look for such people that we keep on holding on to our dreams even when no one believes in them. in the streets amakasi that we come from they are not so many and funny enough we the youth take that because we do not have job opportunity or we go to school hungry than we cant be any thing better. is our surroundings that make us make choices that hinder us to know that we can? Are we defined by what is around us or must it be us that reflect to what we are around to?

The story is simple even when they is no beam of light i will for ever hold that candle that is about to burn out. I can only be grateful. Grateful for the courage and the drive i have even when things are not going as i hope. I have seen that it is only I that can do it and by doing it i know that i can. with this i live you with that you can be an orphan or be jobless or be with out a home. If you believe, if you dream any thing is possible. ask me why?  i will tell you that i am the greatest example.

It is not all sour.

This has been on my mind for the longest time I can remember. This has been a contemplation of finding hope in my life.

The idea of not having a mother figure in my life plays a big role in my life. It has been so long that the beautiful soul has left this world but I must say she left a place no man can fill. This ironic situation is some how a part of my life. I practically lived the first years of high school asking my self why did she let go of her life? How could she live this beautiful being to fend for self? Was I not some thing she thought of when she gasped her last breath?

I then lived most of my life shadowed by the questions I asked and never receiving the answers I wanted. Mind you I had been screaming inside with wanting to live with her. Though I had been in JHB for all most 4 years, the small town boy was battling, with out showing that the big city is not for him. When her funeral came life seemed the saddest movie. Filled with sorrow and looming darkness that seemed as though I would wake up from a bad dream.

It has been 16 years since mom passed on and I have carried my self to turning 25 this year August. Yep! Next month is #BBD (boo_Boo_Bday).

I have learnt that the life of being responsible was instilled in me. I have learned that each one has a choice in life. Cherishing friend ship and the people I have meet in my life has played a big role and has shaped the person I am. Working hard at living and fulfilling life’s desires is a burden I love to hate. Having the responsibility of acquiring what’s necessary to live a comfortable dream is an 8 to 4 standard position I fight for every time I wake up in the morning.

Yes some of my heartfelt dreams haven’t transpired but I know that in its time all will work out. Just today a friend posted a picture in his face book time line of showing an simple yet so true thing that in life you may have seat backs but all come together when all moves forward and it will seem as an unrealistic thing to your enemies.

I now know that all things are not so bitter and must carry my life as some one who has it all. When I have friends! Family! Aspiration! A job that I love so much. Must I still feel as if I am lacking or less of a human because the one who gave birth to me is no more. I wake up every day and fix my self to live this life as a happy person for I have every thing in my power! This is my life and ether way I would have lived it my way.

To all those who have there mothers! Love them! Cherish them for you may never know what tomorrow holds. Never forget though that this life is for you to live! Its every ones responsibility and we can only live to fulfil it.

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For what is worth

Whether you wake up happy or unhappy. One should all ways consider the next person.

Crazy thing just happened now in the morning. If I was the old Bulelani I would be sucking my thumb like a kid lost in the wonders of confusion and hurt. Our realisations and truth are not the same so it is most important to know that you live in a world that is shared. We are different and have different believes.

What it is, is to accepting each other not in a way that will promote tolerance but in a way that will politely make the other person understand. You building your confidence by degrading some one with bitching and rejoicing in you being heard and stating your feeling. Never have I thought asking you to do some thing will lead to you languishing with anger and inflicting it to me. Well as I wrote, I am no longer that person that will languish in your words.

Having to woken up in a bad side, does not mean you should forget other peoples presents in your life not unless there the ones who made you feel like that. Nothing gives us the right to mandate our own fears and feelings of disappointments to others for other people have there own lives to live! Comments that make one to loose them selves while you vividly share your own.

For what is worth we should learn to live and let live. Share our selves in a way that gives life to the other. Never forget we all have the same father and he lives in each and every one of us. Let us be careful and be genuinely aware of how we channel our masages.

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life is but a dream…

people who do get results and people who dream create possibility. hope enlightens you from fear and fear gives you courage. our obstacles are our teachers and our experiences are our testimonials.

at this day and age we all know that information is in the tip of our hands, you just need an email address and set up account then every thing flashes and beeps right there and then. my phone has then again decided to dump me and live me for repairs and I have been left heart broken but have learnt one or 2 things that I should have known “vintage” years ago. My phone has accumulated a lot of my time because I could easily shut my self from the world, play music loud as I can and just surf the net for pointless things. more and more people have learnt the art of controlling them selves not to be socially distant but remain socially excepted by fellow companions or friends. That has clearly not been my reality. see the thing is, no matter how hard I can run away from it, it will all ways follow me. Uniformality!

We have all ways been uniformed, told what to do and how to behave as a people. we come from backgrounds that have been stricken by the unfair laws of apartheid and brutal cruelty (wish it loved poker dots like Crueler). we as the youth that have been born under the umbrella of freedom have a totally different struggle, well one that Mr. Malema been PR’ing FOR, for so long, financial freedom. we have limited resources, ruled by drugs and have limited opportunity. it is a reality that out of all kids who start school 60% are kicked out of the schooling system and never finish school. this is coursed by different reasons.

Ok, back to the UNIFORM thing, I all ways believed I was different. chose to wear differently and chose to basically follow trends and express my self differently. it maybe have been powered more by the fact that I AM G..! we as a people have been taught to follow and we do not know how to lead, even ones own life. this is boiled by different reasons of thinking alike “because we all didn’t finish school” and “we know that people have there degrees but yet they not working” or “I have a mom, dad, aunt, uncle, brother, sister who drink there lives away” then that’s what you are. we define our selves according to where we are, who we see and never think of what we could be other then that. UNIFORMED!

I am that boy that has aimed his standards so high. that boy who chooses to be different, who chooses to see life differently who has higher powers to change his life. I dream. Dream big, even bigger when they say I am crazy. I love the poem by Marianne Williamson that says “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond our measure” she then goes on and say “its not just in some of us, but its in all of us” I choose to be the one who shines light as that light gives permission for others to do the same. do the same too.

we all have dreams or have dreamt before, find it in you to reignite it, put in that fuel and honey boo_boo live your life for it is your dream